The day is inviting. Clear skies, dry conditions, not too warm, just cool enough. We're early in September, neighborhood kids are crawling back to schools, and I only have one thing in mind: vacancy. I'm aiming for my mind to become totally vacant. Or am I? Mind is slowly floating away, fading like an echo. I'm actively pursuing the inner state some call meditation. Although I'm reaching mindlessness from moment to moment, the monkey brain is tirelessly coming back, front stage, fast. In bulk: emptiness, veganism, berserkers, back to emptiness, Eva Mendes, pastas, oh, wait a minute...
Totally pissed, turning to the Internet for help, I end up learning about breathing techniques. This is a game changer. Turns out learning how to breathe efficiently is quite a complex venture. After some hours I do find a natural tempo: fast deep inspiration from my nose, hold two seconds, release slowly by mouth over seven seconds until nothing's left, hold, repeat. That's great. I'm getting to a point where counting twos and sevens is all I can think of. Like a mantra. I'm getting there. Breathing comes easy. Thinking of nothing. Nothing, two, nothingness, seven, nothing, two, nothingness... Phone rings. Damn thing I'll ignore.
Going back to breathing. Getting down there, seriously. Takes time. Notification chime. I let go of it. Breathing is all I need. Second and third notifications are floating far away, as I'm better and stronger than this. Or am I? Rage and aggression is on the rise and I'm totally lashing out at fourth notification. Aaarrrghhh! The monster is awaken, smells blood, feels like killing. Oh! It's Frida checking in. Totally forgot that we ... what, wait a sec. We had nothing planned today... Frantically reading texts. Oh, no!
– Hey!
– Oy!
– What's wrong babe?
– My heart is broken.
– Meh?
– You're ignoring me Steve, ignoring my call and texts. I have needs, you know that, huh?
– Oh, so sorry Frida, I was...
– Come to me baby, now.
– Yes mam!
And just like that, I was out in the streets. Yeah, booty call. The one call I'll never say no to. Well, not today anyway. Because I'm a man, in his prime, I have needs too. And she's so freakin hot. For a geeky politico bookworm. Anyway, I feel like I'll use my new breathing skills tonight. Who knows, it might bring fun.