New Adventures in Materiality

To have a tolerance problem

I do find myself increasingly at odds with most folks, as I'm always extremely welcoming and tolerant toward two things they seem to find repulsion for: pervasive and fast technological advancements, as well as immigrants and cultural blending (as a pale skin westerner).

In fact, I do think of myself as someone who's tolerance to differences and changes is so high, I do end up embracing them, most of the time. The thing I can't stand is witnessing intolerance, from anyone. It makes my life very hard to manage, as I grow more lonely and resentful by the day.

And as a fellow homo sapiens, this isn't an healthy way to live. Or is it? A thing I'm now comfortable with is standing at the margins. And from there, I do understand why intolerance seems to be so widespread: many people can only live as being perceived as an acknowledged part of some herd (which is too often seen as "The Herd").

And I see it as all about appearances, out of lazy convenience. Herd belonging seems to come with a list of biases one has to agree with, without having to think much farther. Being someone seemingly without a herd has turned me into a keen observer of herd abiding behavior. As I do see it everywhere, all the time, so much so that I can't help thinking I'm the one with problems. Maybe I should join a herd. But I can't, not consciously anyway.

I'm probably already cataloged as being part of some herd, as I keep to myself most times. Judging from my appearances would suffice to make me so. I'm benefiting from looking like a majority of people in the country I'm living in, and because I'm not a public person in my spare time, other than the writer of this cowardly, faceless blog, no one can know I'm a sleeper agent for the progressive cause. But I am.

The World I envision is coming straight out of Star Trek. A fantasy imagined before I was born, which is today belonging to another time and space entirely. But the thing about the Trek is this: it doesn't come in a hippie friendly packaging. It's about a galactic size UN like army corp sharing a pack of simple but powerful rules, to which I'm all too joyfully adhering, most time.

There you have it: The Herd. I feel I'm part of the Trek herd. Which doesn't require much more than lazily watching TV. And which doesn't forbid adhering to other herds of opposing and contradicting values. Which makes me sad, because my own ideal fantasy reality would be as one gleefully enforcing the "Prime Directive".

Damn, I'm just like everyone else. Longing to find my niche herd, judging everyone else unworthy of my high standard views, intolerant toward intolerance to my views. As I can't reconcile my unrealistic expectations with what seem important to most around me, I can find comfort in the fact that I'm sharing this Earth with equally unrealistic fellows, ultimately doomed to failure just like everyone else.

Good grief.